If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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