Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
