We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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