Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
