he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
