Your face is a jimmy john
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
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theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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