will power is for people who don't want to get laid
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
