I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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