My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just had sex bonerless
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
