I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She told me I should be a condom model.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
