You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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