it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
