Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
