I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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