im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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