i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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