he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
