so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
