i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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