Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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