ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
