i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
