so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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