Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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