He disabled his match.com account in front of me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
