I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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