feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
