Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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