I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
