Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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