Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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