I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
