so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
