I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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