Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They are going to name an STD after you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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