Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
