This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
