Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Found your dick twin last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
