I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
