I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
