Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
