her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
