Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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