But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
