well I can't set my house on fire every night
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
