So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
