I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
