She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
