ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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