Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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