About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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