U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
