Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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