My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
