# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
