Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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