Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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