Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
whose parrot is this?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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