Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
