i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
