i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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