dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
