i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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