I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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