Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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