I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
