i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
